time to fight

This is my letter to parents this month:

I remember coming home from the hospital with Levi. I was pumped up beyond belief, sure that this was going to be the greatest father-son tandem ever. I was making plans for us to be baseball buddies, backpacking buddies, hunting buddies, guitar buddies...I envisioned lots of great conversations that would shape my son's life and faith. I figured that he'd want to be with me all the time, to learn at my side as we explored the worlds of small gasoline engine repair, electricity for dummies, and what makes girls act that way?

Over the past few years, though, it's become clear that my parenting skill set is not as fully developed as I originally thought, and I am having to learn how to cultivate the relationship that I want with Levi, as well as with the girls. It's more than a little frustrating at times to look up from the fray to realize that this isn't going (at least at the moment) the way I thought that it would. But we've made some recent decisions about our family values and the way we spend our time that should make better relationships more feasible simply because we have time to spend together.

How about you and your relationship with your son or daughter? Is it going the way that you dreamed that it would? It's a natural part of adolescent transformation and development for our sons and daughters to begin to move toward independence from us as parents, but they are going to need us in their lives as long as we are alive. God has placed us in families intentionally, and we need to do all we can to cultivate and nurture these relationships. But sometimes it feels like defeat has won the day, discouragement is kicking my tail, and I feel more like Jack Handey (from SNL—remember him?) than Jack Bauer.

Deep Thoughts, from Jack Handy
If you ever drop your keys in a river of molten lava, let 'em go, man, 'cause they're gone...

Sometimes I feel like giving up on the things that don't come easy or naturally. But let me assure you, Mom or Dad, it's always too early to give up, always too early to quit, always too early to bail on the relationships with your children, regardless of how things are going lately.

We're going to be working hard to partner with you in the months to come. We want to be a source of encouragement and a voice of hope in the midst of some potentially trying times. A couple of weeks ago, Pastor Dan preached from Nehemiah 4. I was struck by the words, actions, and wisdom of Nehemiah.

The wall was half-way completed, but the critics were at full strength. The people were tired, scared, and starting to wonder if what they were doing was going to work. Nehemiah called the people together, armed them, told them to stand guard by family groups, and said, “Don't be afraid of the enemy! Remember the Lord, who is great and glorious, and fight for your friends, your families, and your homes!”

Will you choose to fight for your family? We will stand with you!

We've got a parents' night scheduled for the first Wednesday night in January. I'd love to have a room full of parents hanging out for discussion about the things that are relevant to your situations and families. I'll tell you that we're going to be talking to your middle and high school students about sex in February. If you want to know more about that, come see us in January! We're also planning a series that will help your students make the most of their relationships, including that relationship with you!

Maybe I'll see you January 2, from 7-8:30 at Calvary.