old habits are hard to break

I fell asleep last night on the couch about 7:30. It was weird. Kim says that she tried to wake me up around 11:30. I vaguely remember seeing a few scenes of Dirty Jobs at some point. I got off the couch and went to bed somewhere around 2:30. Weird.

I seem to have one night a week like that. Last week it was Monday night. I fell asleep in Sadie's bed while I was tucking the girls in for the night. I think my voice trailed off even while I was singing their "going-to-sleep" songs...

My normal bed-time is somewhere between 1 and 2 in the morning. Some days that's because I have to work on stuff for the week; other times it's because I've developed a habit for staying up late. I think it began in college, on the freshman floor at Toccoa Falls College. We never went to bed before 2:00.

As I approach 40 years on this planet, that schedule is getting harder to keep. But it's a habit now, and habits die hard. Sometimes my physical body overrides my intentions (like last night) and I fall asleep.

I am believing God for the day when my spiritual intentions have control of me, when I have put to death what belongs to the old way of life. I want my spiritual intentions to override my other inclinations. I want to be transformed, and my life marked by the right habits. Good habits should be easy to pick up, don't you think? A new way of living, thinking, acting, loving...

New habits, here I come!

the best of both worlds

I have admitted unashamedly that I am a fan of Hannah Montana, right? It's a good tv show, usually packing a moral lesson into the mix of hilarity and hijinx from Hannah/Miley Cyrus. My kids walk around the house singing her songs. Lilly read one of the Hannah Montana books today, and proceeded to recount the plot for us on the way back from Bedford.

But I don't think that we'll be making the trip to see Hannah in concert. Ticket prices are incredible. I heard about this last night at House Party, but I didn't believe it. So tonight, whilst watching Hannah get some revenge against Amber and Ashley--and learn that if you get down with the dogs, you end up with fleas--I did a little googling.

Here's the link to a Reuters story about tickets, normally selling for $25-$65, being sold for thousands of dollars through secondary sellers. Want to see Hannah at the Boardwalk Hall in Atlantic City, NJ and sit in the Upper 222 section or the Club 307? Better sneak a snack in with you, cause the tickets will run you as much as $25,000.

Click here if you don't believe me. Stub Hub is selling tickets for the concert, and it looks like the cheapest ticket is in San Diego, starting at $50.

I think I'm glad that there doesn't appear to be a stop in State College on the Hannah tour.

red sox look good

That's me, at 12 years old...

I don't want to admit it. After all, I am a die-hard national league baseball fan. I tend to agree with Mark McGwire (from an ESPN article by Alan Schwarz)

Ask almost any major-leaguer who has played in both leagues, and he'll tell you he prefers the National League environment. Mark McGwire was one such player when I asked him back in 1998, after he had recently moved over from Oakland to St. Louis.

"Definitely the National," he said. "Now I understand this is the way the game should be played. It's the way it started. They never had a DH way back when. Pitchers have to hit. Games are quicker. It's just such a better game. Managers have to think much more.

"When you're not playing that day, the chances are really good that you're going to get in the game because there are double switches, there's always pinch runners, there's always pinch hitters. It's just a better brand of baseball. Don't get me wrong -- I loved the American League for 11-plus years. But now that I've been over here, I understand why they call it the Senior Circuit."

History gives the Al a slight edge in head to head play. Since they began interleague play in 1997, 2452 games have been played between the 2 leagues. The AL has won more games, but it's really close: 1250 to 1202. That's 51% to 49%. Pretty dead even. The AL has 36 All Star game wins, while the NL has 40. There were 2 ties, and the 1945 game was not played (WWII). 102 World Series contests--60 AL wins, 42 NL wins.

As an Atlanta Braves fan, I love to see the NL do well against the AL. But things don't look so good for the Rockies and the NL. Oh well, tip your hat to the guys who just outmatched you and get ready to play tomorrow. Or next year...

melt down on a world stage

I got home from XStream in time to catch some of the World Series game 1. The Rockies, having swept the Diamondbacks, are coming off 8 days of rest, while the Red Sox played 7 games against the Cleveland Indians, winning the final 3 games of the ALCS to get into the World Series. From the looks of things, the Rockies are feeling the lay off, especially their pitching. Boston scored 7 runs in the 5th inning.

I'm fairly certain that Franklin Morales and Ryan Speier are quality pitchers. But tonight, on the game's biggest stage, they didn't get the job done. They failed to produce the results that they are accustomed to, that their fans, teammates, coaches, and management expect from them.

I know how they feel.

We all have those days, those moments when we don't produce, when we fail to meet expectations.

I believe that the true test (or at least a large part of the test) of maturity and growth comes in the moments that follow a meltdown. How will these men and their teammates handle the disappointment? How will I react to missing the mark?

Fight or flight? Roll over and quit, or dust myself off and get up to try again? Hang my head or raise my chin and get ready for the next round?

I am living in the hope that it's a long series (life--not just baseball) and I am holding on to this promise:

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

a day of prayer

Our staff was out of the office today. We try to do an of-site staff retreat a couple of times each year. Instead of us all going away together this time, we were given a day away to spend in prayer--sort of a personal retreat.

I spent the morning at home reading and praying. This afternoon I took a long walk in the rain, hiking to the top of the mountain behind our offices. I got to spend an afternoon outdoors, thinking, hiking, exploring, and praying.

I prayed about a lot of issues today. All kinds of things related to Calvary, the city-church, students and families, our staff needs...and a gnawing holy discontent.

I am nearing 40 years on this planet. As I look back at my life, I wonder what I have accomplished. I mean, I've done lots of things. I have acquired a fair amount of skills along the way. I can list all the things that I do, all the roles that I play. Some have huge implications; others are things I do to pass time.

I want to live a life that matters, to make a difference. I don't care about fame. I don't care about being known or recognized. I am looking for that elusive sweet spot, that place where I know that my life counts.

I always challenge students to find the life that God had in mind when he created them. The Apostle Paul wrote

I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

That's where I am. Holding on to hope that Jesus has a plan, a reason for calling me to follow him. I want to find that thing and sell out to it--nothing held back.

Any ideas?

the spirit of adoption

Kim and I took the kids to the Steven Curtis Chapman concert tonight, sort of. We are in the process--the LONG process--of adopting a baby girl from China through America World Adoption Agency. We have been playing the waiting game since June of 2006, and we're not projected to travel to China until May or June of 2008. That's a stinkin' long wait.

SCC has a great family story of their involvement with adoption, and tonight's concert was all about raising awareness about how adoption changes lives. We were invited to work the AWAA booth and help with a new project from Shaohannah's Hope that turns our change ($) into changed lives.

I'll post our story another time, but let me tell you how thrilled we were to be part of tonight's concert. We heard some great music (Bethany Dillon, Sanctus Real, and SCC), helped further the message about adoption, and blessed a family from the Williamsport area. At the end of the concert, SCC brought a family in the process of adopting an orphan onto the stage to present them with a gift from tonight's collection of change, matched by a gift from a donor. That family received a check for more than $4000 tonight! They're hoping to travel in early 2008 back to China to go get their second adopted baby girl. Now that's a God story!

leading and living and loving like Jesus

There's a bunch of us at church today for the Lead Like Jesus simulcast. I have to admit, I wasn't sure about today's seminar. I love listening to Erwin McManus, but I don't know that I've ever read or heard Ken Blanchard. But I've been in a pretty heavy place emotionally and spiritually, and I'm open to God moving in my heart today.

So far, it's been right on target...

Nancy and John Ortberg and Ken and Margie Blanchard shared about the heart of the leader at home, which is what God's been working on with me lately. I think I'd pay big bucks to sit at the feet of Nancy and John Ortberg. They hit it out of the park.

I'm pretty much a weepy guy lately, and I know that the Lord is working in me, softening my heart and transforming me...and I am fully aware of the transformation that I need. Maybe today is going to be part of that transformation!

discipleship and the middle school student

Tonight at XStream we continued the discussion about following Jesus with our middle school students. I could say that we lined out a pretty good start for these young men and women. I could say that we provided them with the basic ideas of discipleship.

But I don't think that I have ever felt as overwhelmed at the immensity of such a proposition.

We are talking about some of the biggest questions of life--questions of the ages, really. Huge implications in the lives of 11-12-13 year old students.

Are they mature enough to grapple with such things? Do they have the spiritual/ intellectual/
emotional/experiential awareness to make these kind if decisions? And is there, truly, any way that we can approach such grand ideas and make them accessible to students in middle school?

I believe that they can get it. I believe that the gospel cam be comprehended by these students. I honestly believe that their lives can be re-oriented around the compelling beauty of the Good News. I want to do the best job possible of helping these wonderful students understand the Good News, follow Jesus, and find the life that He dreams of for them.

OK, so what now?

I think I need to pray more.

wisdom from waterworld

I know that it was a huge box office flop. I know that it cost gazillions of dollars to make, and that Costner overreached. I know that it was a colossal bust, and that the experts panned the whole post-apocalyptic thing. I don't think that he cares. See The Postman if you don't believe me.

But he (the Mariner) just dropped some wisdom on us. He's talking to Enola (Deb from Napolean Dynamite, btw), and he asks her if she ever tried listening. She's a really talkative little girl, and he's already chided her about it. She asks what she's s'posed to listen to. He answers, "The sound of the world." She's quiet for about 3 seconds, then says, "I don't hear anything."

That's because you're too loud, and you're movin' around all the time. Try sittin' still.

Eyeball?

I wonder how many of us miss the sound of the world, the sound of God because
we're too busy, always moving, never still.  It makes me sad to think that the
world is crying out for restoration, crying out to be loved, to be healed, to be
heard, and I'm too busy to even notice.

God tells us to be still and know that he is God.  (Psalm 46:10)

Sounds like a promise to me.  I don't know where you're getting your mail, but in
my little corner of the world, stillness is at a premium, and busyness is celebrated,
worn like a medal on the chest of a tired generation.  If I had a quarter for every
person who answered the customary "how you doin?" with "I'm tired..." I'd be set
for that never-ending game of Asteroids that I dream about.

nothing to gain by this link

I don't even know these people, but Falling Creek Camp looks like something that I would have loved as a kid. It's close to my parents, and I found it while looking for a Wilderness First Aid course. Their camp promo video is enough to make me think about sending my son there next summer, or applying to be a camp counselor. I'm a little past the average age of 22, though...

They were featured in the Aug 6 issue of Time Magazine, in an article entitled The Myth About Boys.

More fuel for the fire? Methinks...

a growing uneasiness

I'm not sure that I have the words to paint the picture of what's going on in my heart today. There's been something stirring for a while, and God through another log on the fire today.

I watched the dvd of Bill Hybels' talk from the Leadership Summit today. Great stuff, really, about God's call on our lives flowing from a Holy Discontent. The big question at the end of it all was something along the lines of

what is it that I simply cannot stand anymore?

That's a big question, and should lead to identifying my calling in life.
Hybels talked about his own experience with holy discontent, seeing so many churches in the US who couldn't care less about people who were far from God. His response was to start a church that does care about those people.

I spent a couple of hours today walking in the woods, reading my Bible, searching my heart, trying to answer that question: What do I see in the world that I can no longer stand? There are lots of causes that deserve the attention of the church, but what is it that I want to give my life to, that I want to expend my energies trying to re-align with God's plan, working with God's Spirit to effect change?

I wish that I had an easy answer, but I think I am making progress...

wii are having some fun now

I borrowed Ryan's Wii Saturday night. Wii had a few friends/family in town for the PSU game, and I thought it would be fun to play the wii together.

My brother-in-law (Joe) was part of the USAF B2 Stealth Bomber crew that was in town for the fly-over for the PSU-Wisconsin game. The fly-over never happened, but it was good to see Joe and Koop.

Anywii, wii have hardly stopped playing the wii. It's been so fun! Sadie (our 6 year old) is able to play with the adults, and wii're spending some good family time together in the basement.

You may have heard the stories of wii remotes ending up stuck in tv screens, broken lamps, and blackened eyes...they're pretty believable. Some people--like my lovely wife--get so into the games that they swing wildly, out of control. So far, Sadie has gotten the worst of the wildness. Kim's clouted her in the back on two different occasions! I can't tell you how many near misses wii've had!

I think I know what wii're asking the in-laws for this Christmas!

100 fastest growing churches

Outreach Magazine has posted their re-sorted list of the 100 fastest growing churches in the US. They made some sort of mistake in the original sorting of the data, so they had to post a revised list. I don't know that the mis-sort matters to those of us not on the list, but maybe it matters to the church who was supposed to be in the top 10, but got sorted out wrongly...

My buddy Phil is on staff at Christ Community Church in Omaha, Nebraska--#44 on the list. I've been to a conference they hosted for churches committed to being externally focused. One of their pastors (Ian) said that their goal is to have the people of their church be such a blessing to the city of Omaha that the city would be sad or disappointed, would even kick in some funds if the church were to ever close.

Intentional living, church-wide. Good deeds preparing the way for the sharing of good news. Bless the city...

I don't know most of the churches or pastors on that list. I listen to podcasts from some of the ministries. I have a feeling that we could probably hang out and have a lot to talk about, a lot in common.

My guess is that Christ Community (and probably most of the other churches) couldn't care less about being on the list. It's not really about marketing the church, seeing seats filled, numbers and nickels. They want to see people coming to Christ to find life, to see their cities transformed, and to see the Kingdom of God expand, and their churches are growing as a result.

I can get on board with that.

national coming out day and the church

Anyone who pays the slightest attention to the media will quickly notice how Christians come across in the news. Other than the celebrity preacher's fall from grace and the overly-made-up woman on the Christian TV show, we seem to make headlines for boycotts, protests, and anti-something rally. The church is readily known for standing against stuff.

It's little wonder that a recent Barna update reports that a new study shows that only 3% of 16 - to 29-year-old non-Christians express favorable views of evangelicals.

Writing from the standpoint of our church, Pastor Dan stated that "our goal is to be known more by “who we are for” rather than “what we are against.” Who we are for is people. God is passionate about people."

I like that. I like the fact that we are going to be for people, that we are going to expend our energies in loving people, in standing up for the oppressed and harassed, the voiceless and maligned. This position aligns us with Jesus, and that is a good thing.

I am sure that there will be moments of confusion, and that will be misunderstandings and messes. I don't expect to hit the mark at every turn. But I know that our effort, our desire, our try will honor God, bless people, and move us closer to being the church that Jesus would be proud to call his bride.

I don't know how this will play out in my life. But I know that the days of sticking my head in the sand, busying myself with the life of "churchianity," and working to maintain the status quo have to come to an end.

I've been invited by a friend to attend a rally on the Penn State campus tomorrow. It's not a church rally--it's the Penn State rally for the National Coming Out Day.

Decision time looms...

Maybe it's time for the church, and for me, to come out on the side of loving people, even if we don't agree with the things they do or believe. Are we ready for the mess?

tuesday randomness

Here's a jumbled rambling of a post for today

• As we sat in our staff meeting today, a bear walked by the window. No joke. How cool is that?
• We had a bluegrass band play at the Fall Fest. Ironworks is a cool band, and I loves me some bluegrass.
• Tony Romo stunk last night, until the final 2 minutes, and Dallas pulled a victory from the jaws of defeat. It was worth staying up late to watch.
• The House Party hayride was fun, but some of the students were pretty disrespectful to the farm owner. I probably need to write a letter to apologize.
• We spent a lot of time in prayer last week for a breakthrough in our community, in our church, and in our personal lives.
• There seems to be a lot of pushback in the spiritual realm as I've been praying and trying to be more intentional about leading my family.
• Robert M. Lewis (Raising a Modern-Day Knight) paints a vision authentic manhood this way: Real men (1) reject passivity, (2) accept responsibility, (3) lead courageously, and (4) expect the greater reward.
• Our church is in year 2 of Men's Fraternity. I haven't been to one meeting. I want to go, but my schedule doesn't mesh. They meet on Tuesday nights (I'm home with the kids) and Thursday morning (breakfast with my senior guys).
• I am still wrestling with a pull to the outdoors. I love the way God speaks to me when I am in the woods, the water, the wild...How do I pull that together with church ministry?
• Where are the men to lead our small groups? Seriously? I have 7 small groups of guys, and 6 leaders, including myself. We need some men to step up, to step in to shape the lives of our younger men.
• I was interviewed today about our Summer SPLAT. It was great to remember the things that God did in our lives, and in our community. God is so good!
• Why don't my archived posts work?
• We got some rain today, but we need TONS more. The creeks are bone dry, which means no kayaking...
  

an unlooked for blessing

Yesterday was a busy day for me. I had our high school team meeting at 9:30, helped lead worship at the 11:00 (I played my electric guitar! woot!), headed over to Harvest Fields for the church Fall Fest (brought to you by the Kidz Connexion), and had a hayride for our senior high students last night.

It was a full-plate day.

On my way out of church, Brenda mentioned that her friend Annie needed a ride to the Fall Fest. The thing is, Annie has Cerebral Palsy, and rides on a motorized scooter. Could I? Well, I do have a truck, but I'm pretty busy. I'm headed home to change clothes, grab my family...I passed on the opportunity. And immediately knew that I was missing an opportunity to be a blessing. As I rolled down Stoney Lane, I noticed Pastor Dan and Woolten standing beside Dan's vehicle, looking puzzled.

Need any help?

They were trying to figure out how to get Annie's scooter into the back of Dan's Mercury Mountaineer. OK, I'm in. I carted Annie's wheels out to the Fall Fest (Woolten took Annire herself), then headed home.

I wasn't feeling like a blessing...

On my way out of the Fall Fest, headed home to get ready for the hayride. Dave is looking around for something. I stop--Hey Dave, what's up?

Are you taking Annie back to town?

I look at the clock, sigh, and say "Sure, let's load it up." Still not much with the attitude of blessing.

But I decided to make the best of it. Annie is a wonder. She has a twisted body, and just 4 months ago had a hip replacement. Her speech is distorted by her disease, but after a few minutes, God seemed to give me ears to hear. I learned so much on our short ride.

Annie was born not breathing. Her mother, on being told that her baby wasn't breathing, told the doctor, "You go work on my baby girl. I'm going to pray." Annie wasn't expected to amount to much in life. She has a Master's Degree in Rehab, and works with addicts. She says that kids love her. She offered to come speak to my students, and even told me that she wouldn't accept any money! She wants to spend some time praying about what she'll say, but she thinks that it might have something to do with God using the weak and frail things in life to reveal his power.

Umm, yeah.

My attitude? Not great. God's providence? Still stinkin' awesome. I need to figure out how to get my attitude into the EXPECTING mode.

unity

Thursday mornings you'll find me at St. Paul's United Methodist church, in their coffee lounge, hanging out with a handful of youth workers from around Centre County. We usually spend some time in prayer, and some time talking about what's going on with our ministries/churches. We've been meeting for the better part of 7 or 8 years. One of the recurring themes is the idea of UNITY among our ministries, since we're all interested in seeing students follow Jesus.

Today we wrestled with (yet again) what God wants to see happen in the Centre region. We know that he longs for us all to know him, to love him, and to be part of the body of Christ. We believe that God is in the process of making all things new, and that means the transformation of people. We get hung up on the "what" we're supposed to be doing. We pitched several ideas today, and managed to shoot most of them down.

We've tried many things over the past 8 years--worship services, prayer times, trips, game nights, comedians, bands, movie nights, broom ball, school assemblies, paintball...the goal for us has been getting students to interact, to leave the comfort zone of "our group." This past summer's SPLAT (a summer camp alternative that kept us in State College, with planned service projects, random acts of kindness, and prayerwalking during the days, and worship/teaching in the evenings) has probably the best thing that we've done since the first 2 summers when we all met at the Barn for some great times of worship.

A number of us are reading/have read Chris Folmsbee's A New Kind of Youth Ministry. I think that we are once again on the cusp of seeing God breakthrough in the lives of our students/leaders, and in our community. I pray that we can keep the momentum that we have, that we don't get distracted, and that we can once again begin to move with God's Spirit.

I came out of that meeting this morning to read Ephesians 4 during my time with God today. He spoke to me once again about the necessity of UNITY--we are one body, united in Christ, filled by the one Spirit of God.

This could be great...

a good night with middle school students

Our pastor has called us as a church to a focused week of prayer, asking God for a breakthrough. There are a number of special events planned this week, and the adult population has responded like crazy.

That got me to thinking about how to bring students into the mix.

I believe that students can and should be part of the overall picture. After all, they aren't the church of tomorrow--they're simply part of the church. If adults are called to pray, so are teens.

Tonight was our middle school night, which we call XStream. (I'd post a link to our really jazzy website here, if there was such a website...I need some help with this)

We've recently brought in a new group of 6th graders, and they are learning all sorts of new things as they acclimatize to life in XStream--worship, small groups, etc. It's not all radically different, but it's a change to some degree for them.

Tonight we took our middle schools out into the neighborhood around our church to prayerwalk. There was some amount of anxiousness, as most of the students had not been on a prayerwalk before. I intro'd the topic, gave them a framework of how and what kinds of things to pray about, then we sent them out in their small groups to pray. We prepped them with this acrostic:

B--body: pray for health, wholeness, strength, healing, protection
L--Labor: work, income, security
E--Emotional: joy, peace, hope
S--Social: love, marriage, family, friends
S--Spiritual: salvation, faith, grace

So how did the night go? The students had a blast. We heard so many great comments, and our leaders' prayer time after XStream was maybe the sweetest it's ever been! We are joining our voices with the rest of our church, asking God for a breakthrough. We are believing God to move in our community, to pour out his Spirit, to make his presence known, to bless people in unmistakable ways.

I can't remember being more excited about what God is doing in the lives of our students, our leaders, and our community!

Levi's rite of passage

What a tremendous night! I pray that the magnitude of this night echoes through history, in Levi's life and beyond.

I invited several men (family and friends) to do a few things:
1. write a letter to Levi lining out some of the lessons that he will need to transition into manhood
2. join us for a man-meal (steaks on the grill) and share that letter
3. be part of Levi's faith-walk through the woods that night.

The meal and the letters were great. For the record, my brother is the bomb-diggety grill master. He modeled servanthood to the T. I was so blessed to have him here. In fact, my life is so rich because of the men God has placed in my life.

I intended to read the letters of the men who couldn't join us, but as the daylight ran out, it became clear that I needed to let those present read, and give the unread letter to Levi the next day. He listened well, and read the other letters Saturday. Kim saw him coming out of his room that afternoon choked with emotion. Good stuff...

After the meal and letters, we left Levi at the fire with my buddy Andy. I led Ryan, Justin, my brother Scott, Kim's brother Randy, and Kim's dad up the path that I had marked out earlier in the week. I planned 6 stations for Levi, with a different man at each station. Levi would get a challenge, a question, and a gift at each place. The path from station to station was marked out using reflective thumbtacks, and Levi would use the flashlight he got at the firepit to find the path. I wrote a script for each station, detailing the symbolism of each gift, and outlining how that gift would help him grow into a man. Here's the list of where--what--who:

1. Fire pit--flashlight--Andy
2. Cross--Bible--Ryan
3. 1st woods spot--vintage hunting coat--Justin
4. Bridge over pond--water bottle--Randy
5. Path in woods--fire starter--Scott
6. End of path--wisdom--Ken

When Levi reached Ken, the lesson was from Jeremiah 33, where God tells Jeremiah to call, and God promises to answer, to respond to his call and teach him. Levi was to call my name, and I would answer.

I was worried about Levi walking through the dark woods, on an uncertain path. I figured that Levi would be scared, hesitant, or that he would get lost.

Not a problem! Levi blazed through the trail! It turns out that the walk was Levi's favorite part of the night. I think it helped that his flashlight was brighter than the sun itself! We saw his light coming, and I left Pappy Ken to find a spot to hide.

He called my name, and I answered.

Levi and I spent the night in the woods, talking around a fire. I hope that it was the first of many to come.

I want to see my son grow in the knowledge and grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, to see him equipped to love and lead, to see him become a man who is confidant in his identity in Christ.

I know that one night does not make a destiny. But I am excited for a good start, and I will continue to press in and press on to see my son walk in his destiny.

a breakthrough is coming

2 steps forward, ...

I don't want to go backwards. I want to see then providential move of God in my life, shaping, restoring, renewing, rescuing me from the old ways.

I have struggled with anger, passivity, negative thinking, and discouragement. There have been days when I wondered if I was/am depressed in the clinical sense.

But I am not who I was. I am not done. God is moving in my life. I am his child, and his promises are for me. He does all things well, and he is not finished working in me.

I will stand in his love, and in the power of his powerful promises.

I will be his man to lead my family. This is my declaration. This is my hope. This is my prayer.

We (Calvary) are praying for a breakthrough in so many areas. I am adding my own life to this list. I want to see a breakthrough of love, wisdom, power, compassion, sensitivity, and leadership in my life and family.

Change us, O God! Change me...